Why do I do it?

Why do I watch depressing movies and read depressing books? I have no clue other than it making me feel better that it's not me, if that makes sense. Right now I'm reading Columbine and it's really heartbreaking, just like it was when it happened. I even remember where I was at that time. I was at the foot doctor. R always asks how come I watch such depressing movies and all but like I said, perhaps it makes me feel more grateful for what I have in my life. At least that's what I tell myself.